Buckle up because we’re diving into the emotional rollercoaster of decluttering those family heirlooms. You know, the stuff in your attic evoking memories and a touch of guilt. But guess what? You can absolutely feel good about letting them go.
Even though we are nostalgic souls, family historians, and memory keepers, navigating the emotional maze of decluttering family heirlooms doesn’t have to leave you feeling guilty. Read on for some practical tips on guilt free decluttering of family heirlooms.
So, picture this: you’ve just opened boxes from the attic, and you see old photo albums, grandma’s antique clock, or that dusty family quilt. Each piece carries a truckload of emotions. I get it—the guilt of even thinking about saying goodbye is real. But, my friend, you’re not alone, and it’s okay to feel this way. The first step in guilt-free family heirloom decluttering is actually acknowledging this guilt.
Acknowledging the guilt is the first step to shaking it off.
I spent this summer purging 60-odd boxes from our attic and garage. These boxes contained photos, memorabilia, and ephemera from five families, including mine. These were the family heirlooms and memories of four generations; talk about guilt!
Maybe it was the overwhelm from the sheer volume of things, but as I acknowledged my guilt of disposing of other people’s memories, I also realized…. It’s not my responsibility to hold the memories of people still living!
Why am I holding on to my kid’s stuffed animal when her now-adult self finds it creepy? Or why am I keeping the artwork that reminds her of a time in her life that she’d rather forget? And if something brings her joy and happiness, why do I have it hidden away in a box taking up space in my attic?
Once I embraced this realization, a weight lifted, and I could finally see through the nostalgic haze that was slowing me down. I immediately began sorting things into piles of living and non-living. For all those people who are still living, I packed everything into little boxes and sent them off to their rightful owners to do with as they pleased. Guilt-free.
But even after doing this initial sort, I was still left with about 20 boxes of sentimental things. I needed to shift gears.
Balancing Sentiment and Practicality
Shifting gears meant figuring out why I felt I needed to hold onto these treasured family heirlooms. What was its sentimental value, or was it my New England roots unwilling to discard anything that could serve a future purpose?
We must be honest about finding that sweet spot between sentimental value and practicality. And this is really hard. However, it is well worth taking the time to do this, even if we do it in baby steps.
We’ve all got that heirloom hanging around without a clear purpose. It’s time to empower ourselves to make choices that make sense for our hearts and homes today. It’s not what made sense generations ago.
In my home, I started decluttering one room a month, which means I revisit things once a year. Having been a part of home clean-outs after people I loved passed away, I realized that one of the hardest things about the work is balancing the sentiment of the things with the practicality of keeping them. There is only so much space in one’s home!
I now focus on keeping the sentimental things that can also find their way into my home. Otherwise, these artifacts will be forgotten in a box until some other heirloom explorer decides to check them out.
And, if my great attic and garage purge taught me anything, we are probably making some pretty big assumptions about the sentimentality of the things we are holding on to for those who have passed. As I look around my home, so much of it is unsentimental. But, the vintage books I bought simply because they looked pretty might confuse future generations into thinking I had some greater attachment to them than I really had. Or the program of a friend’s child I neglected to toss might be a red herring to a curious heirloom explorer 125 years later, as I talked about in my previous post How to unburden the heirloom nostalgia that weighs you down.
Yes, you can keep the sentiment and still declutter. It’s like Marie Kondo with a dash of family history. Guilt-free heirloom decluttering is in your grasp!
Honoring the Memories in Alternative Ways
But sometimes, it takes work. And this is where we get to be creative and take advantage of our generation’s advancements.
There are so many ways to keep the memories and declutter the stuff because, let’s face it, most of what we are keeping is NOT hidden treasure. I discovered this when I brought my own “treasures” to Antiques Roadshow.
From digitizing photos to creating family recipe books, this is your time to break free from the clutter.
Here is how I’ll honor the memories of my remaining 20 boxes of “stuff.”
Digitizing the photos, slides, and videos and having a family viewing party
Create a memory photo album of kids’ memorabilia and artwork and toss the originals to gift to them on a special birthday.
Capturing the stories that I know of the sentimental artifacts for future generations
Letting Go with Purpose
While I’m not an expert decluttering professional, I know that the key to successful decluttering is mindfulness—making choices with a purpose. And with decluttering, there aren’t too many choices. Guilt-free family heirloom decluttering comes down to the following choices.
Gift it – Is there someone in the younger generation who would have a connection to the item? If so, share why you have selected them to receive such a treasured gift.
Donate it – If you can’t gift the item to someone you know, donating it can be a gift to someone you don’t know. It’s not just thrift stores that take donations; think about historical societies and museums, too. These organizations are often looking for artifacts to add to their stories.
Sell it – This takes a little effort, but this could be an option if you want to make a little cash. A quick search on eBay or Etsy makes it clear: there is a market for almost anything!
Toss it – the option of last resort for sentimental things. This one hurts a bit, but if it is not important enough for you to keep, gift, donate, or sell, it won’t be important for anyone else.
Trust me, letting go with purpose is the secret sauce.
Guilt Free Family Heirloom Decluttering is Possible
As we wrap up this chat about heirlooms and decluttering, remember, it’s not just stuff. Honoring the memories wrapped up in the stuff will help you declutter, free of the guilt that often holds us back. It can be a journey you will feel good about it. You can keep those memories alive without letting the stuff weigh you down. With a mindful approach, a touch of practicality, some creative memory honoring, and purposeful letting go, you’re not just decluttering; you’re redefining your family connection in the most meaningful way. Cheers to guilt-free family heirloom decluttering and the amazing journey it brings!
In this article, you will learn how to reduce feelings of overwhelm when dealing with heirloom nostalgia. You will also get practical tips on separating out the stories from sentimental items. Preserving the stories helps reduce the guilt when letting go of treasured family heirlooms that no longer serve you.
How often do you feel overwhelmed and burdened by all the “nostalgic stuff” in your home? I’m talking about those family heirlooms and heirloom nostalgia that have been around for decades. Or perhaps it’s the memorabilia you’ve held on to, thinking they will turn into future heirlooms? As we begin a new year, I find myself reflecting on the profound lessons I learned to help ease the weight we can feel when preserving and sharing family heirlooms.
I know firsthand the overwhelming burden of figuring out what to do with all your family heirlooms, artifacts, and sentimental things. It can feel downright paralyzing for those of us who are memory makers and family historians.
All those emotions bubble up out of nowhere. First, there is the guilt of wanting to get rid of those treasures that have been in the family for generations but no longer serve our needs or wants. Then there is frustration because nobody else seems to care about it, and we wonder why we should care. And finally, there is just sheer overwhelm at the magnitude of “stuff.”
4 Lessons I’ve Learned As “The Keeper of the Stuff”
I’m not a professional senior move manager or a therapist who helps people with the emotional side of downsizing. However, I am my family’s historian and someone who has been exploring heirlooms for decades. I’m the “keeper of the stuff.” I collect the old trinkets, what-nots, and family treasures others don’t want themselves but don’t quite know what to do with.
My goal in preserving family heirloom nostalgia is to find the stories to help release the stuff. These four lessons will guide me and reduce my overwhelm in 2024.
Which one resonates with you most?
Holding on to other people’s memories is not your responsibility.
For most things we hold on to, the value is in the memories, not the items themselves.
Stories can live forever; we won’t
We can’t take it with us.
If the thought of dealing with your sentimental stuff causes you to toss up your hands and say, “Not today,” then read on. For all you skimmers, I’ve summarized some key points at the end of each lesson.
Lesson 1: Holding on to other people’s memories is not your responsibility.
Address the Guilt in Decluttering Heirlooms:
Navigating the emotional guilt of parting with other people’s family heirlooms is a universal struggle. The weight of inheriting this heirloom nostalgia can often carry a burden of responsibility. However, it’s crucial to recognize that releasing these items doesn’t diminish the memories they hold. Instead, it frees you to cherish your unique connection to your own past, unburdened by the belongings of others.
Over the past summer, I sorted through 60-odd boxes of accumulated nostalgic memorabilia spanning many families. We get these boxes of memories a lot when adult children are sorting through their parents’ things, either because they are downsizing or because they’ve passed. There are so many feels to process at the time, it’s just easier to box the guilt for another time.
When the Memories Belongs to the Living
As I sorted through box after box, I realized this responsibility I’ve burdened myself with is not mine alone to bear. I don’t need to keep alive the memories of the other people who are living.
So if you’ve inherited or are holding on to other people’s memorabilia (such as their artwork, books, photos, and cards) and they are still around, pack that up and give it back to their rightful owner.
Maybe have fun with it and pack it up like a birthday present. And whatever they choose to do with it is not your responsibility!
When the Memories Belong to those Who’ve Passed
As for the items that represent the memories of those who have passed, it is up to you to decide if you want to keep them as part of your story. It’s up to you to decide if you want to pass on that story. If it were that important to them, they wouldn’t have left it up to you to decide what to do with it.
Release it without guilt!
Create Your Boundaries
As much as I love exploring heirloom nostalgia and being the memory keeper for artifacts of people who have passed, I also need to establish boundaries. One boundary I created is whether or not the item has a clear story or context with it. Seeing the absolute chaos I’ve created by not purging unimportant things, I have to recognize many items saved for generations may just be junk.
Understand the Why
I think about this when I look at this 1899 High School Graduation Program from Oxford High School in Oxford, Ohio. Yes, our family has a connection to that school, and there is even a family surname in the program. However, the name listed is nowhere on our rather extensive family tree.
How often have you been to a friend or relative’s graduation, grabbed a program, and then put it in your home to be lost forever in a pile of paper? I’m not saying that moment wasn’t special or important. But is it the responsibility of the following five generations to hold on to it? I don’t know.
If the items are handed down with no stories or context, then it is up to you to add that context or release it free of guilt. And if you want to add the context, be intentional about why, how, and how long you will do it. Not every heirloom or memorabilia will make the cut, which is okay. If the item handed down was important enough to the person who handed it down, you would know why.
Your memories, Your story
Just because memory was important to someone who has passed does not mean that memory should continue to stay important to you. You are living your own life. If that memory fits your story, great. If not, you are not obligated to be its keeper. I think sometimes we hold on to heirloom nostalgia without ever reflecting on its actual meaning or importance to us.
And finally, don’t make your memories someone else’s responsibility. Purge & declutter often. Future generations will thank you!
Key Points to Remember:
Give other people’s memorabilia back to them if you can. It’s not your responsibility to be their memory keeper.
Be intentional about the heirlooms, artifacts, and memorabilia you choose to keep. Understand why and what you want to do with it.
Purge your own memorabilia and sentimental things frequently.
Lesson 2: We value the memories more than the value of the stuff.
Embrace the Essence of Memories
In preserving family history, it’s vital to shift our focus from the material worth to the intrinsic value of memories. Vintage decor and artifacts are not just possessions; they are vessels carrying the stories of generations. Unearth the narratives behind each item, recognizing that the story holds the true richness, not the physicality of the vintage decor itself.
We all have been sold this idea that there are treasures in our attic, fortunes to find in our heirlooms. We hold on to Aunt Suzy’s silver, thinking it could be a down payment on a house. And while sometimes this may be true….more often it is not.
Those Heirlooms are Often Worth Less Than You Think
photo credit: Lisa L. Duncan
I had the thrill of receiving a coveted ticket to Antiques Roadshow, bringing a few small treasured trinkets from loved ones who had passed. I wrote about it here. Long story short, while interesting to me and somewhat (to not at all) interesting to the appraiser, the value of the items was less than anyone would have guessed. Age and value lines do not work in a neat upward graph. Sure, there are exceptions, and it makes for GREAT television. However, those indeed are the exceptions.
Today, there are many ways to determine the value of your treasures. One no-cost way to help you figure it out is to search on sites like Etsy or eBay. But a reminder: The value is what people are willing to pay, not the purchase price. Just because a seller lists it for a specific price doesn’t mean it is valued at that price. I also like to use Google Lens to identify things I own and then research their history and current values.
But You Already Knew This
Most often, the value is in the nostalgia of the stuff, the memories that pop up when you see, touch, or smell those items. How often have you watched the Antiques Roadshow or wandered through an antique store or thrift shop and spied some artifact you loved or some vintage item for sale that your family once owned?
Did you get the warm and fuzzy seeing that item?
If you did, I’ll bet you checked the price to see the value of the item.
Our nostalgia for that item will change our perceived value of the item. You may think the price is too low if you own the item. And if you don’t own it but don’t have powerful nostalgic feelings towards it, you likely thought the value was too high. But, if you bought the item, regardless of the price, you likely had a strong memory or story attached to it.
If you’re holding on to family heirlooms because you think they might be valuable, ask yourself if it’s the memory you find valuable. And if it is, take steps to preserve those memories. There are many options to help you, and if you need a place to start, I wrote Is this Family Memorabilia or Just Junk? to help you sort it out.
Key points to remember:
Most of our things aren’t as valuable as we think they are
Most often, it’s the memories that are valuable to us
Our memories will be valuable to other people if they share them.
If you are saving items because of the story they tell, then write down that story. Future generations will thank you.
Lesson 3: Stories Can Last Generations, We Won’t.
Preserving Legacy Through Writing: If you want your story known, you must write and share it.
In the fast-paced digital age, writing your family’s story becomes a transformative gift to future generations. Capture your heritage’s nuances, anecdotes, and essence in written form. Your words will endure, ensuring that your family’s legacy lives on in the hearts and minds of those who come after you.
There’s that famous expression: “History goes to the victors.” As a family historian, I think the expression should be: “Family history is saved by the writers.”
I’ve written before about safeguarding the stories in your family heirlooms. But I wanted to offer a few more ideas for preserving your stories, especially if you dabble in genealogy and family history.
Preserve the Stories You Uncover in Your Family Research
I can’t tell you how many brick walls could be knocked down if only some family stories were accurately written down or if the memorabilia saved had the reasons why they were saved. Sadly, the family stories that disappear first are those of families who reached the end of their line.
Photo from Los Angeles Sunday Times: February 26, 1922
My husband has such a person in his tree; his story would be fascinating if we only knew it. If his status can be determined by the number of times he made it into the newspapers, this ancestor was an extremely prominent man in the early history of Los Angeles.
In one of those strange, generational coincidences, this man, whom my husband had never heard of before, had a street named after him in the Los Angeles area that my husband used to drive along. He owned property in the very spot where my husband was a summer camp counselor. He was likely the namesake of my husband’s grandfather, a name that has continued for four generations. He died nearly 100 years ago.
One of my goals in the coming year is to preserve what I know of his story from the numerous articles and newspaper clippings I have uncovered in my research. With no one left to tell his stories, I feel compelled to tidy up his little corner of history, especially when all these generational coincidences pop up!
Debunk Stories When You Can
On the flip side, stories can live for generations and be untrue! With the help of Erin E. Moulton, an excellent independent researcher, I discovered most of the stories about my husband’s great-grandfather that had been preserved and handed down to us in a neat one-page summary were untrue!
His grandfather either wrote or dictated this summary when he was likely in his 70’s. This meant he was recalling stories from a father who had died over 40 years prior! As someone who could now (in theory) remember details from 40 years ago, I have a different appreciation (or skepticism) of the accuracy of these recollections.
Was this a faulty memory of the writer recalling the stories?
Were these statements the embellishments of the father as he shared the parts of his life about a time before his son was born?
Was this a clever ruse to throw us off the genealogical path?
We will never know. But we can debunk what we now know with research.
Write The Story of You
Our stories are memories wrapped up with facts and context. I want to preserve my family stories accurately, but I can’t write them all. So, I will start with my own and work from there. I mentioned on my Instagram page that I gifted myself a story capture from Modern Heirloom Books. This will consume a lot of my writing, but a mere two weeks into it and I’m already obsessed with the creative prompts delivered to by inbox.
And, of course, while I have relatives alive with stories to tell, I will also start writing their stories and tuck them in with the heirlooms and artifacts that represent those stories.
Being able to interview loved ones is such a gift. There are many, many resources available online for tips on how to interview and write other people’s stories. In the coming months, I’ll be sharing some additional services and resources I’ve discovered. Be sure you are following me or subscribing to this blog. You can also learn more about Heirloom Explorer.
Key points to remember:
Start by preserving the stories you know – your own! Be bold, and write your own story for future generations.
Fact-check the stories you’ve been told. That is still part of your story, even if they aren’t true. Try to find the nuggets of truth that spurred the fiction, and be clear about what is known and unknown. Future generations will be grateful for the separation of fact and fiction.
Grab some questions online and interview people while you can. Their stories are worth listening to, and you will not regret it!
Just because nobody is left to tell their story doesn’t mean there aren’t stories worth telling about them. Dig deeper into some of the people whose lines have ended.
Lesson 4: We can’t take it with us
Decluttering Sentimental Items:
Our homes are the truest reflections of our lives. If we are lucky to have known loved ones from previous generations, our homes also reflect those lives. I know this is true in my own home.
My Decor Style is like a family reunion: a mix of generations with a whole lot of stories to tell.
However, all these sentimental things can feel and look like clutter. I’ll leave the organization and decluttering tips to the experts. However, the following four tips helped me clarify my decluttering project.
Decluttering is not erasing; it’s making space for what truly matters.
Tip 1: Curate Heirlooms to Tell Stories Around The Home
I love the little reminders of family and friends across generations around me. By curating heirlooms around my home, these stories I can keep their stories alive.
This also challenges me to think more deeply about my heirloom nostalgia and why I’m holding on to the heirlooms. If they are not “show-worthy” for my home, I ask myself:
Do I still need to hold on to them?
Do they even have stories that need to be preserved?
Can I preserve the stories in another way and get rid of the object?
Tip 2: Take A Picture
When it comes down to “releasing the stuff”, what most people are actually afraid of is losing the memories and stories that are attached to the items. After all, those are our stories, right? Those sentimental and nostalgic items have become an extension of us.
It can hurt when we say goodbye to them. It can also hurt when others reject them because it feels like a little piece of us is being rejected.
Separating the story from the item is vital. It’s liberating. It allows us to release ourselves from the “stuff” and enjoy the connection. And it’s easy to do.
Tip 3: Share Your Story of The HeirloomNostalgia
Once you’ve taken a picture of the item, be sure to capture what it is and why you love it. There are a number of paid tools out there to help you do this, but a simple DIY hack is just to use the notes feature on your phone. You can easily capture or upload the picture and add a few notes about the item. Then, you can save them all in a notes folder and share that folder with loved ones.
You have no idea what of your things others in your family will want. And, as the saying goes, you can’t take it with you. But you can share what’s important to you and why. In doing so, you help the next person decide what is important for them to hold on to or not.
How lovely would it be to open up a treasured item from a loved one rather than one more disposable item you don’t need?
As I go through boxes of clutter in my own home, I try to be sensitive to the items that connect with others in my family. While I may not have a connection to something I’ve inherited, my children, nieces, or nephews might.
Perhaps it’s a memory they have of the item. Or perhaps it’s an interest they may or may not have known they shared with an ancestor. Either way, sharing these items, this heirloom nostalgia, with the right person could be a wonderful and meaningful gift.
Key Points to Remember:
Creating a curated collection of heirloom nostalgia.
Taking photos to preserve the visual memory.
Sharing the Heirloom Stories with Family
Passing down cherished items to family members who share a deep connection with them.
Conclusion:
As we enter a new year, let’s embrace a mindset that liberates us from the emotional burden of family heirlooms and heirloom nostalgia. Share your stories, appreciate the essence of the material, and recognize that letting go can be a powerful act of love.
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