Unlocking the Secrets: Exploring the Poetry Collection of a Loved One

Photo Credit: Lisa L. Duncan

Her poetry collection called to me for decades.

Have you ever been so drawn to a family heirloom, that it was as if there was a story inside it bursting to come out? Exploring it feels as if you’ve walked through a portal of knowing that was previously unavailable. There’s a word for that feeling.

Cáithnín is an Irish word that describes the feeling of interconnection of small things through time and space.

Never have I felt the feeling more than when I started preserving my Godmother’s 100-year-old handwritten poetry collection. This project set me on an unexpected journey of discovery and knowing, for which I am so grateful.

It was more than figuring out how to digitize this keepsake or choosing the best way to publish her poetry book. This journey revealed an unknown part of my Godmother’s life. Through her handwritten words, I unlocked a more complete story of her life and captured her life story.

In this post, I’m sharing the decisions I made, the resources I used, and the obstacles I overcame to uncover her legacy and create a new keepsake for future generations. I cover a lot, so feel free to jump around in the table of contents below.

Estimated reading time: 1 minute

Preserving a Handwritten Poetry Collection – A Journey of Love and Legacy

Years ago, my Godmother, Kate, gave me her cherished poetry collection.  She was going blind and could no longer read the small handwriting that filled the pages of her writing book.  My 18-year-old self promised to type them out and print them in a font size she could read.

Photo by: Lisa L. Duncan

She passed away a few years later, and I never completed the project.

Decades later, I realized preserving this keepsake meant more than just fulfilling my original promise. Preserving her poetry collection was an opportunity to preserve her legacy.

Kate was my grandmother’s first cousin, making her my cousin, twice removed. She was like a grandmother to me, although she had never married, nor did she have any nieces or nephews.

Kate was the last of her family line, and I am one of the few who remember her well enough to tell her story.

Reading Between the Lines Uncovers More of the Story

Looking through a magnifying glass at original cursive handwriting to see the details in pressure and style.
Photo Credit: Lisa L. Duncan

Handwriting is so much more expressive than the type-written word.  Until I studied my Godmother’s poetry book, I hadn’t realized how much meaning a pen’s pressure or the slant’s angle can portray.

As I explored these poems, I discovered her collection, written over decades, was not just a collection of poems. These carefully curated poems revealed a younger version of the grandmother-like woman I had known. 

This book was the unknown part of her story. This was a story about finding and losing love. 

I wanted to share my revelation with others in my family. I wanted them to discover her story in the pages of the book, just as I had. But, with the century-old pages crumbling, and the binding already frayed and broken, I had to figure out another way to preserve this collection and my Godmother’s legacy.

Deciding How to Best Preserve this Family Heirloom’s Story

To figure out how I should preserve this poetry book, I asked myself:

  • Will this be for private/family use or do I want to make it commercially available? 
  • Will I digitize “as is” using photos of the pages, or will I type it up in more of a book format?

Answering the first question was easy. Because this was more than a poetry book, selling what felt like our family history to strangers was a big “no-no” for me. I quickly decided it would be for private use only.

Answering the second question, however, was a little tougher. 

I tossed around the idea of taking high-quality photos or scanning the book’s original pages to create a near-exact replica of her book.  I could easily create this as a photo memory book using my printer or one of the many photo book services available online. 

However, that would not serve future generations well.  Yes, they’d have the poems, but they wouldn’t understand the woman who wrote them, nor would they recognize my ancestor’s story in them.  Besides, I’m not that great a photographer.

I realized I was the missing link between the past and the future.  My connection to her story will help future family members see their connection.  

So, while the preservation of a family heirloom was my initial goal, the more I dug into the collection, the more I realized publishing her collection as a book for private use would allow me to preserve her poems, add context to her story, and make it available for interested family members.

Researching the Poetry Collection is a Must

I thought typing the poems would be the easy part. I wanted to preserve the integrity of Kate’s poetry collection and figured typing them out exactly as written would best honor the intent of her words.

In her original handwritten book, about half the nearly 100 poems were attributed to famous poets.  Rabindranath Tagore seemed to be a favorite, but she also included poems from William Shakespeare, Alfred Noyes, Rudyard Kipling, John Keats, and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, to name a few. 

I assumed the poems with no attributes were her original words. I was wrong.  

So my plan to simply type out what my Godmother had written would not work. If I was going to publish this in book form, I needed to make sure that the poems were properly attributed to their original authors.

Finding Author Attributes Provided Context and Clues

I used Google and newspapers.com to research each poem for authorship.  Sometimes, I would search for the title as she wrote it. But if I didn’t get a hit, I would try again using excerpts from the poems.  This extra step helped overcome misspellings or word variations that could impact my search.

This poem was published in several newspapers in early 1928, attributed to Percival Hale Coke.
Photo Credit: Lisa L. Duncan.

Taking this extra time to research each poem revealed a few key points that impacted the direction of this book.

First, most of the unattributed poems were actually published works of famous poets, and not her original words as I had initially thought. Of the 95 poems I included, only nine were ultimately attributed to “unknown author,” which may or may not be my Godmother’s original poems.  Nonetheless, this finding added a layer of copyright issues I hadn’t considered before.

Second, some of what my Godmother had written were excerpts of poems rather than the entire poem. These carefully selected passages in the context of the larger collection provided an unexpected window into her thoughts and emotions.  I began to understand her story in a new way.

I recall one poem in particular that she used twice.  Early in her collection, Kate beautifully hand-wrote a jaunty, upbeat selection of “The Barrel Organ” by Alfred Noyes. 

By the end of her poetry collection, her handwriting had become a little shakier, and the angles of her letters were sharper. The last poem in her collection was a reprisal of “The Barrel Organ”, but a different excerpt was selected. Reading it nearly broke me. I was overcome with thoughts of sadness, regret, and longing. My godmother lived quietly and alone. She and my grandmother had a falling out, over what I do not know. I realized what often came across as stubbornness or keeping score was the self-protective wall she had built up around her heart.

Lastly, and one of the most surprising findings, was learning some of the authors were friends or family members.  Reading these intimate poems in the context of other family history adds an entirely different layer (& a little mystery!) to this collection. I’m not sure I’ll ever know the full story here, but I’m glad to have this richer understanding of who Kate was.

By taking the time to research each poem, I was able to provide insights and important context to help future readers understand her story. 

Pulling it Together | Formatting, Style Choices & Editorial Consistency

Once I had my collection typed up in a Word Document and felt confident in the author attributions, I decided I needed help to get over the next hurdle: formatting a poetry book.

I came across Emily Pulham on Instagram (@organizedwithemily).  She shared a post in which she published her grandmother’s poetry book using a 5X7 format.  I liked the idea of my Godmother’s poems being a small, bedside read. Something that could be picked up again and again. I contacted Emily and hired her to help me complete my book. 

The process was easy. I sent Emily my typed-up poems, and she formatted them using a self-publishing book platform.  She selected a few font combinations for me to review, and we decided on a sans-serif font for the poem title and author name and a serif font for the poems.

Stylistically, I had wanted to maintain the indenting that my Godmother had used in her poem book, but seeing the poems in black and white revealed a lot of formatting inconsistencies that frankly drove me nuts. Worse, it was distracting from the meaning of the poems. We created a style guide to help guide our formatting choices and make the pages more consistent.

Editorially, I used my Godmother’s original poem book as our editorial guide.  It was important to me to maintain the integrity of the original work while making it readable and accessible. 

I hired my niece who is an English Teacher to be the book’s editor. Using the style guide, the original poem book, and her background in the English language, she was able to expertly edit the document for me. 

She is also my goddaughter, so having her edit my Godmother’s poems felt like another Cáithnín moment.

I’m not in the writing world, so I often use these terms interchangeably, but they are not the same thing.  Printing simply means preparing your files for print and physically putting your book together. Publishing has the additional role of marketing and distributing your book. Using self-publishing websites and outside help can blur these roles a bit, so you must be aware of them, especially if you are outsourcing your work, to clarify expectations.  

I chose to hire someone to help me complete this project.  I started this project 30 years ago, so paying for an outside resource to be my book designer and keep me on track was worth it. Plus, she did a much better job than I could have done on my own.

However, if you do want to do a project like this on your own, there are many resources available depending on how hands-on you want to be. Following are some of the resources that I can speak to personally. I do not get paid for any of these products, I’m simply sharing my experience.

For DIY photo books, you can find several options online.  Two that I’ve personally used and found easy and intuitive are:

This is a really good choice if your book is mostly visual. There are options to add text, but it works best if the text is limited to short captions.

Because my book was more text than images, I chose not to go this route for my poetry collection book. However, in the future, I’ll be using one of these services to capture the photos I took of each page in my Godmother’s poem book for further digital preservation. 

If you want to design a book yourself, you can try some online design programs like:

Canva is a very intuitive design platform with many templates that beginners and non-graphic artists will enjoy.  It has both paid and free options.  I’ve used it a lot, and have even ordered products I’ve designed from the platform. (There may be copyright concerns if using Canva, so read their terms, especially if you plan to sell your creations.) 

Adobe InDesign is a popular desktop publishing and page layout designing software.  Learning to use it takes a little effort and there is no free option; however, many graphic artists I’ve worked with prefer to work with it for the precision and control it has in designing their creations.

If you don’t want to design anything yourself but still want a beautiful way to present your story, you can purchase templates. These templates are designed so all you need to do is insert your words or photos and you can print out your finished product at home. 

I’ve bought some from The Creative Family Historian for a future project I’m planning. Emily Pulham, the designer for my book, also offers templates for sale on her website www.organizedwithemily.com.

Self-publishing platforms allow users to lay out their books, self-publish, and monetize them all in one place. You can find several online, such as:

I have used Blurb several times to create recipe books.  A couple were for school fundraisers. Another was a combined photo and family recipe book for my parent’s 50th anniversary.  I found it to be intuitive and easy, but the cost per book is on the pricier end. I have not personally used Lulu, but it is the platform that my godmother’s poetry book was built with and I’m very happy with the result!

If you want to create a book for sale in an online marketplace such as Kindle or Amazon, you’ll have to look elsewhere, I have no experience with that.

Your last option is to do as I did and hire someone to do the legwork on self-publishing.  Emily did all my book layout design and some editing. She gave me two drafts to review (including the dust jacket). Once I approved the final draft, she set everything up with the publishing platform, and I placed my orders with her. 

If you need a bit more assistance, especially with curating and writing your story, you might want to consider hiring someone like Modern Heirloom Books.  

Founder Dawn Roode is an expert storyteller and writes beautiful Life Stories and Tribute books based on personal history interviews she conducts with her clients. She has packages at varying price points depending on the number of interviews. She also has less expensive DIY packages and tips to help you write your own story. I treated myself to a year of Dawn’s writing prompts in the hope of capturing my story.

Adding Legacy to Turn This Poetry Collection into a Family Keepsake

This keepsake poetry book is part artifact preservation and part historical family reference. 

Once I decided on the type of book I wanted to create and found the resources I needed to complete the project, I was free to add my insights, context, and family facts wherever I could.  Following are the places throughout the book where I turned this poetry collection into a family history keepsake.

I wanted a vintage-style cover, so I used a photo with a nostalgic vibe that I had taken myself. We used a flowy, scripted font for the title to give a nod to the handwritten collection.

Title

“Kate’s Poems” is how I have always referred to this collection.  I called my Godmother Kate, so using her full name didn’t seem to fit.

I used the subtitle to include her full name and clarified this as a collection rather than her original poetry. I figured future genealogists would appreciate this verification of her first, middle, and last name.

I used both my full name and the full name of my niece (the editor) so future generations could see our connection.

In the book jacket, I included a brief biography and a photo. The photo I selected was from the timeframe she would have written these poems. I included as many genealogical facts as possible, such as dates, addresses, occupations, military ranks, and her cemetery location in her biography.  I wanted to give as many details as possible so that future genealogists could cross-check their findings. In addition, I wove in a few family recollections to add a little more context and interest.

Here is where I took a few pages to add my narrative to these poems. Sharing my favorite moments with Kate and explaining the impact that reading these poems had on me gave this collection more personal context. 

I explained my stylistic and editorial choices because I wanted to make it clear to future family historians that these are my interpretations. I wanted them to know where my decisions came from, so they will have this understanding if they find themselves revisiting my work. 

I had very few options for photos and imagery, however, each photo had clear intention.  For the dust jacket, I selected a photograph I had taken of my Godmother’s original poetry collection. The design on the front was a little more faded to allow for the book title, but the back had enough clarity so that any future “keeper of the things” could connect the physical original poem book with this one.  

The second photo I included (beyond the previously mentioned bio photo) was a suggestion from Emily.  It was the first page of Kate’s poem book, which almost served as a title page for her collection.  Using a black-and-white photograph here served two purposes. 

First, it makes the connection that this is from Kate’s handwritten book, and second, it makes our editorial job easier.  The phrase she wrote in her book was slightly different in the wording and origin of what we found in our research. Our dilemma was: do we put the correct translation and source, or do we type it as is and include a disclaimer?  It was such a powerful phrase to begin her collection; we didn’t want that to get lost.  Emily had the brilliant idea to just use an image of it. I’m glad we did. 

The words "Truth against the world" are scripted in Gaelic and in English at the beginning of a handwritten poetry collection.
“Truth Against the World”
Photo By: Lisa L. Duncan

Overcoming Challenges 

Even though I was digitizing a previously handwritten poetry book, I encountered a few unexpected challenges. 

My guiding vision was to stay true to the words and the order of the poems to how my Godmother wrote them. However, sometimes the handwriting was challenging to read, and sometimes there were glaring spelling and grammatical errors. As much as I wanted to stay true to the words as she wrote them, there were times when I had to align the spelling, authorship, and grammar to what I had found in my research.

As mentioned, I also spent much more time researching each poem than I expected.  I did this for a few reasons. Most importantly, I wanted to ensure I had the correct author attribution.  But I also wanted to cross-check the spelling, grammar, and prose against what my Godmother wrote.  Unexpectedly, I realized that studying and learning the meaning behind the poems added a layer of context and meaning to the words I hadn’t previously understood. 

This additional research allowed me to better guide the reading experience for future readers in a way that made this book about Kate’s life rather than just a collection of poems. 

Hiring someone to help me complete the project was a great way to “get out of my head” and force me to make these editorial decisions. Overall, the process from hiring Emily to getting the final book was about 4-6 months. 

While it was a very easy and fun process, there are three things that you should consider when outsourcing.

  1. Privacy |  I intended for this to be a private book to preserve my Godmother’s handwritten poetry collection for future generations. As a family book with dates and locations, I did not want it available to strangers.  It’s worth reviewing the contract to clarify where the final product would “live”, who will have access to view and/or order it, and how it may or may not be used promotionally. Knowing these answers may impact your decisions.
  2. Copyright | I am not an attorney or an expert in intellectual property, but I  bring this up as a point of awareness. When I realized some of these poems may not be in the public domain, keeping the book for private (not commercial) consumption became essential.  If your work is going to be monetized, pay attention to copyright and trademark use. (Not just content, but font, images, templates, and designs may not be allowed for commercial use.)
  3. Ownership rights | While this wasn’t an issue for me because it was a private keepsake book, it did give me pause about contract language for ownership rights and distribution channels for copies of any books I may create in the future that I intend to sell online. Be sure you understand who owns the rights to your final product and how you will be compensated from various channels.

A Final Reflection | Expanding Our Intervals

Now that I’ve completed this project, I wonder what took me so long.  At the same time, I don’t think I could have completed this journey any sooner.  And it was a journey. 

Final Cover of Kate’s Poetry Collection Book
Photo By: Lisa L. Duncan | Book Cover Design by: Emily Pulham

Ultimately, this wasn’t just about creating a book containing Kate’s poems.  This preservation project was a powerful journey that reconnected me to a woman I loved who has long since passed. It not only opened a portal for me to see her in a different light, but it also challenged my thinking about what I knew about my family history. 

This project also gave me a shared experience with my niece. She edited this document when she was about the same age I was when Kate gave it to me.  I’m in awe of the depth of her understanding of the words on these pages. It truly makes my heart sing to know that I’ve connected her to one of her ancestors in this way.

My Godmother ended her poetry collection with the following excerpt:

I love knowing I’ve expanded her interval by preserving and sharing her poetry book with our family. 

Other Ideas to Preserve Family Heirlooms

If you’re interested in more tips and inspiration on preserving family history with keepsakes and heirlooms, check out some of these other posts.

Guilt Free Family Heirloom Decluttering

Buckle up because we’re diving into the emotional rollercoaster of decluttering those family heirlooms. You know, the stuff in your attic evoking memories and a touch of guilt. But guess what? You can absolutely feel good about letting them go.

ponder woman standing leaned on big box at home
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

Even though we are nostalgic souls, family historians, and memory keepers, navigating the emotional maze of decluttering family heirlooms doesn’t have to leave you feeling guilty. Read on for some practical tips on guilt free decluttering of family heirlooms.

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Understanding the Guilt

So, picture this: you’ve just opened boxes from the attic, and you see old photo albums, grandma’s antique clock, or that dusty family quilt. Each piece carries a truckload of emotions. I get it—the guilt of even thinking about saying goodbye is real. But, my friend, you’re not alone, and it’s okay to feel this way. The first step in guilt-free family heirloom decluttering is actually acknowledging this guilt.

Acknowledging the guilt is the first step to shaking it off.

I spent this summer purging 60-odd boxes from our attic and garage. These boxes contained photos, memorabilia, and ephemera from five families, including mine. These were the family heirlooms and memories of four generations; talk about guilt!  

Maybe it was the overwhelm from the sheer volume of things, but as I acknowledged my guilt of disposing of other people’s memories, I also realized…. It’s not my responsibility to hold the memories of people still living! 

Why am I holding on to my kid’s stuffed animal when her now-adult self finds it creepy? Or why am I keeping the artwork that reminds her of a time in her life that she’d rather forget? And if something brings her joy and happiness, why do I have it hidden away in a box taking up space in my attic?

Once I embraced this realization, a weight lifted, and I could finally see through the nostalgic haze that was slowing me down. I immediately began sorting things into piles of living and non-living. For all those people who are still living, I packed everything into little boxes and sent them off to their rightful owners to do with as they pleased. Guilt-free.

But even after doing this initial sort, I was still left with about 20 boxes of sentimental things. I needed to shift gears.

Balancing Sentiment and Practicality

Shifting gears meant figuring out why I felt I needed to hold onto these treasured family heirlooms. What was its sentimental value, or was it my New England roots unwilling to discard anything that could serve a future purpose?

We must be honest about finding that sweet spot between sentimental value and practicality. And this is really hard. However, it is well worth taking the time to do this, even if we do it in baby steps.

We’ve all got that heirloom hanging around without a clear purpose. It’s time to empower ourselves to make choices that make sense for our hearts and homes today. It’s not what made sense generations ago.

In my home, I started decluttering one room a month, which means I revisit things once a year. Having been a part of home clean-outs after people I loved passed away, I realized that one of the hardest things about the work is balancing the sentiment of the things with the practicality of keeping them. There is only so much space in one’s home!  

I now focus on keeping the sentimental things that can also find their way into my home. Otherwise, these artifacts will be forgotten in a box until some other heirloom explorer decides to check them out.

And, if my great attic and garage purge taught me anything, we are probably making some pretty big assumptions about the sentimentality of the things we are holding on to for those who have passed. As I look around my home, so much of it is unsentimental. But, the vintage books I bought simply because they looked pretty might confuse future generations into thinking I had some greater attachment to them than I really had. Or the program of a friend’s child I neglected to toss might be a red herring to a curious heirloom explorer 125 years later, as I talked about in my previous post How to unburden the heirloom nostalgia that weighs you down.

Yes, you can keep the sentiment and still declutter. It’s like Marie Kondo with a dash of family history. Guilt-free heirloom decluttering is in your grasp!

Honoring the Memories in Alternative Ways

But sometimes, it takes work. And this is where we get to be creative and take advantage of our generation’s advancements.

There are so many ways to keep the memories and declutter the stuff because, let’s face it, most of what we are keeping is NOT hidden treasure. I discovered this when I brought my own “treasures” to Antiques Roadshow.

From digitizing photos to creating family recipe books, this is your time to break free from the clutter.

Here is how I’ll honor the memories of my remaining 20 boxes of “stuff.”

  1. Digitizing the photos, slides, and videos and having a family viewing party
  2. Create a memory photo album of kids’ memorabilia and artwork and toss the originals to gift to them on a special birthday.
  3. Capturing the stories that I know of the sentimental artifacts for future generations

Letting Go with Purpose

While I’m not an expert decluttering professional, I know that the key to successful decluttering is mindfulness—making choices with a purpose. And with decluttering, there aren’t too many choices. Guilt-free family heirloom decluttering comes down to the following choices.

  1. Gift it – Is there someone in the younger generation who would have a connection to the item? If so, share why you have selected them to receive such a treasured gift.
  2. Donate it – If you can’t gift the item to someone you know, donating it can be a gift to someone you don’t know. It’s not just thrift stores that take donations; think about historical societies and museums, too. These organizations are often looking for artifacts to add to their stories.
  3. Sell it – This takes a little effort, but this could be an option if you want to make a little cash. A quick search on eBay or Etsy makes it clear: there is a market for almost anything!  
  4. Toss it – the option of last resort for sentimental things. This one hurts a bit, but if it is not important enough for you to keep, gift, donate, or sell, it won’t be important for anyone else. 

Trust me, letting go with purpose is the secret sauce.

Guilt Free Family Heirloom Decluttering is Possible

As we wrap up this chat about heirlooms and decluttering, remember, it’s not just stuff. Honoring the memories wrapped up in the stuff will help you declutter, free of the guilt that often holds us back. It can be a journey you will feel good about it. You can keep those memories alive without letting the stuff weigh you down. With a mindful approach, a touch of practicality, some creative memory honoring, and purposeful letting go, you’re not just decluttering; you’re redefining your family connection in the most meaningful way. Cheers to guilt-free family heirloom decluttering and the amazing journey it brings!

And if you’re feeling stuck, check out if this is family memorabilia treasure or just junk?

How to Unburden The Heirloom Nostalgia that Weigh You Down

joyful adult daughter greeting happy surprised senior mother in garden
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Estimated reading time: 16 minutes

In this article, you will learn how to reduce feelings of overwhelm when dealing with heirloom nostalgia. You will also get practical tips on separating out the stories from sentimental items. Preserving the stories helps reduce the guilt when letting go of treasured family heirlooms that no longer serve you.

Heirloom Nostalgia Overwhelm is Real

How often do you feel overwhelmed and burdened by all the “nostalgic stuff” in your home? I’m talking about those family heirlooms and heirloom nostalgia that have been around for decades. Or perhaps it’s the memorabilia you’ve held on to, thinking they will turn into future heirlooms? As we begin a new year, I find myself reflecting on the profound lessons I learned to help ease the weight we can feel when preserving and sharing family heirlooms.

I know firsthand the overwhelming burden of figuring out what to do with all your family heirlooms, artifacts, and sentimental things. It can feel downright paralyzing for those of us who are memory makers and family historians. 

All those emotions bubble up out of nowhere. First, there is the guilt of wanting to get rid of those treasures that have been in the family for generations but no longer serve our needs or wants. Then there is frustration because nobody else seems to care about it, and we wonder why we should care. And finally, there is just sheer overwhelm at the magnitude of “stuff.”

4 Lessons I’ve Learned As “The Keeper of the Stuff”

I’m not a professional senior move manager or a therapist who helps people with the emotional side of downsizing. However, I am my family’s historian and someone who has been exploring heirlooms for decades. I’m the “keeper of the stuff.” I collect the old trinkets, what-nots, and family treasures others don’t want themselves but don’t quite know what to do with.  

My goal in preserving family heirloom nostalgia is to find the stories to help release the stuff. These four lessons will guide me and reduce my overwhelm in 2024.

Which one resonates with you most?

  1. Holding on to other people’s memories is not your responsibility. 
  2. For most things we hold on to, the value is in the memories, not the items themselves.
  3. Stories can live forever; we won’t
  4. We can’t take it with us.  

If the thought of dealing with your sentimental stuff causes you to toss up your hands and say, “Not today,” then read on. For all you skimmers, I’ve summarized some key points at the end of each lesson.

Lesson 1: Holding on to other people’s memories is not your responsibility.

Address the Guilt in Decluttering Heirlooms:

Navigating the emotional guilt of parting with other people’s family heirlooms is a universal struggle. The weight of inheriting this heirloom nostalgia can often carry a burden of responsibility. However, it’s crucial to recognize that releasing these items doesn’t diminish the memories they hold. Instead, it frees you to cherish your unique connection to your own past, unburdened by the belongings of others.

Over the past summer, I sorted through 60-odd boxes of accumulated nostalgic memorabilia spanning many families. We get these boxes of memories a lot when adult children are sorting through their parents’ things, either because they are downsizing or because they’ve passed. There are so many feels to process at the time, it’s just easier to box the guilt for another time.

When the Memories Belongs to the Living

As I sorted through box after box, I realized this responsibility I’ve burdened myself with is not mine alone to bear.  I don’t need to keep alive the memories of the other people who are living.

So if you’ve inherited or are holding on to other people’s memorabilia (such as their artwork, books, photos, and cards) and they are still around, pack that up and give it back to their rightful owner.

Maybe have fun with it and pack it up like a birthday present. And whatever they choose to do with it is not your responsibility!

When the Memories Belong to those Who’ve Passed

As for the items that represent the memories of those who have passed, it is up to you to decide if you want to keep them as part of your story. It’s up to you to decide if you want to pass on that story. If it were that important to them, they wouldn’t have left it up to you to decide what to do with it.

Release it without guilt!

Create Your Boundaries

As much as I love exploring heirloom nostalgia and being the memory keeper for artifacts of people who have passed, I also need to establish boundaries. One boundary I created is whether or not the item has a clear story or context with it. Seeing the absolute chaos I’ve created by not purging unimportant things, I have to recognize many items saved for generations may just be junk.

Understand the Why

I think about this when I look at this 1899 High School Graduation Program from Oxford High School in Oxford, Ohio.  Yes, our family has a connection to that school, and there is even a family surname in the program. However, the name listed is nowhere on our rather extensive family tree. 

How often have you been to a friend or relative’s graduation, grabbed a program, and then put it in your home to be lost forever in a pile of paper? I’m not saying that moment wasn’t special or important. But is it the responsibility of the following five generations to hold on to it? I don’t know. 

If the items are handed down with no stories or context, then it is up to you to add that context or release it free of guilt. And if you want to add the context, be intentional about why, how, and how long you will do it. Not every heirloom or memorabilia will make the cut, which is okay. If the item handed down was important enough to the person who handed it down, you would know why. 

Your memories, Your story

Just because memory was important to someone who has passed does not mean that memory should continue to stay important to you. You are living your own life. If that memory fits your story, great. If not, you are not obligated to be its keeper. I think sometimes we hold on to heirloom nostalgia without ever reflecting on its actual meaning or importance to us.

And finally, don’t make your memories someone else’s responsibility. Purge & declutter often. Future generations will thank you!

Key Points to Remember:

  • Give other people’s memorabilia back to them if you can. It’s not your responsibility to be their memory keeper.
  • Be intentional about the heirlooms, artifacts, and memorabilia you choose to keep. Understand why and what you want to do with it.
  • Purge your own memorabilia and sentimental things frequently.

Read more about how to declutter family heirlooms, guilt-free!

Lesson 2: We value the memories more than the value of the stuff.

Embrace the Essence of Memories

In preserving family history, it’s vital to shift our focus from the material worth to the intrinsic value of memories. Vintage decor and artifacts are not just possessions; they are vessels carrying the stories of generations. Unearth the narratives behind each item, recognizing that the story holds the true richness, not the physicality of the vintage decor itself.

We all have been sold this idea that there are treasures in our attic, fortunes to find in our heirlooms. We hold on to Aunt Suzy’s silver, thinking it could be a down payment on a house. And while sometimes this may be true….more often it is not.

Those Heirlooms are Often Worth Less Than You Think

collection of vintage artifacts, including a dutch looking small painted, yellow coral necklaces, vintage amethyst ring, and an old black mechanics and engineer's reference book.
photo credit: Lisa L. Duncan

I had the thrill of receiving a coveted ticket to Antiques Roadshow, bringing a few small treasured trinkets from loved ones who had passed. I wrote about it here. Long story short, while interesting to me and somewhat (to not at all) interesting to the appraiser, the value of the items was less than anyone would have guessed. Age and value lines do not work in a neat upward graph. Sure, there are exceptions, and it makes for GREAT television. However, those indeed are the exceptions.

Today, there are many ways to determine the value of your treasures. One no-cost way to help you figure it out is to search on sites like Etsy or eBay. But a reminder: The value is what people are willing to pay, not the purchase price. Just because a seller lists it for a specific price doesn’t mean it is valued at that price. I also like to use Google Lens to identify things I own and then research their history and current values.

But You Already Knew This

Most often, the value is in the nostalgia of the stuff, the memories that pop up when you see, touch, or smell those items. How often have you watched the Antiques Roadshow or wandered through an antique store or thrift shop and spied some artifact you loved or some vintage item for sale that your family once owned?

Did you get the warm and fuzzy seeing that item? 

If you did, I’ll bet you checked the price to see the value of the item.

Our nostalgia for that item will change our perceived value of the item. You may think the price is too low if you own the item. And if you don’t own it but don’t have powerful nostalgic feelings towards it, you likely thought the value was too high. But, if you bought the item, regardless of the price, you likely had a strong memory or story attached to it.

If you’re holding on to family heirlooms because you think they might be valuable, ask yourself if it’s the memory you find valuable. And if it is, take steps to preserve those memories. There are many options to help you, and if you need a place to start, I wrote Is this Family Memorabilia or Just Junk? to help you sort it out.

Key points to remember:

  • Most of our things aren’t as valuable as we think they are
  • Most often, it’s the memories that are valuable to us
  • Our memories will be valuable to other people if they share them. 
  • If you are saving items because of the story they tell, then write down that story. Future generations will thank you.  

Lesson 3: Stories Can Last Generations, We Won’t.

Preserving Legacy Through Writing: If you want your story known, you must write and share it.

In the fast-paced digital age, writing your family’s story becomes a transformative gift to future generations. Capture your heritage’s nuances, anecdotes, and essence in written form. Your words will endure, ensuring that your family’s legacy lives on in the hearts and minds of those who come after you.

There’s that famous expression: “History goes to the victors.” As a family historian, I think the expression should be: “Family history is saved by the writers.”

I’ve written before about safeguarding the stories in your family heirlooms. But I wanted to offer a few more ideas for preserving your stories, especially if you dabble in genealogy and family history.

Preserve the Stories You Uncover in Your Family Research

I can’t tell you how many brick walls could be knocked down if only some family stories were accurately written down or if the memorabilia saved had the reasons why they were saved. Sadly, the family stories that disappear first are those of families who reached the end of their line.

Will D. Gould
Photo from Los Angeles Sunday Times: February 26, 1922

My husband has such a person in his tree; his story would be fascinating if we only knew it. If his status can be determined by the number of times he made it into the newspapers, this ancestor was an extremely prominent man in the early history of Los Angeles. 

In one of those strange, generational coincidences, this man, whom my husband had never heard of before, had a street named after him in the Los Angeles area that my husband used to drive along. He owned property in the very spot where my husband was a summer camp counselor. This man was likely the namesake of my husband’s grandfather, a name that has continued for four generations. He died nearly 100 years ago.

One of my goals in the coming year is to preserve what I know of his story from the numerous articles and newspaper clippings I have uncovered in my research. With no one left to tell his stories, I feel compelled to tidy up his little corner of history, especially when all these generational coincidences pop up!

Another goal that I’m happy to say I achieved was preserving my godmother’s handwritten poetry book. You can read more about how I preserved her story while adding new insights and genealogical findings in my post, Unlocking the Secrets: Exploring the Poetry Collection of a Loved One.

Debunk Stories When You Can

On the flip side, stories can live for generations and be untrue! With the help of Erin E. Moulton, an excellent independent researcher, I discovered most of the stories about my husband’s great-grandfather that had been preserved and handed down to us in a neat one-page summary were untrue!

His grandfather either wrote or dictated this summary when he was likely in his 70’s. This meant he was recalling stories from a father who had died over 40 years prior! As someone who could now (in theory) remember details from 40 years ago, I have a different appreciation (or skepticism) of the accuracy of these recollections.

  • Was this a faulty memory of the writer recalling the stories?
  • Were these statements the embellishments of the father as he shared the parts of his life about a time before his son was born?
  • Was this a clever ruse to throw us off the genealogical path?

We will never know.  But we can debunk what we now know with research.

Write The Story of You

Our stories are memories wrapped up with facts and context. I want to preserve my family stories accurately, but I can’t write them all. So, I will start with my own and work from there. I mentioned on my Instagram page that I gifted myself a story capture from Modern Heirloom Books. This will consume a lot of my writing, but a mere two weeks into it and I’m already obsessed with the creative prompts delivered to by inbox.

And, of course, while I have relatives alive with stories to tell, I will also start writing their stories and tuck them in with the heirlooms and artifacts that represent those stories.

Being able to interview loved ones is such a gift. There are many, many resources available online for tips on how to interview and write other people’s stories. In the coming months, I’ll be sharing some additional services and resources I’ve discovered. Be sure you are following me or subscribing to this blog. You can also learn more about Heirloom Explorer.

Key points to remember:

  • Start by preserving the stories you know – your own! Be bold, and write your own story for future generations.
  • Fact-check the stories you’ve been told. That is still part of your story, even if they aren’t true. Try to find the nuggets of truth that spurred the fiction, and be clear about what is known and unknown. Future generations will be grateful for the separation of fact and fiction. 
  • Grab some questions online and interview people while you can. Their stories are worth listening to, and you will not regret it!
  • Just because nobody is left to tell their story doesn’t mean there aren’t stories worth telling about them. Dig deeper into some of the people whose lines have ended.

Lesson 4: We can’t take it with us

Decluttering Sentimental Items:

Our homes are the truest reflections of our lives. If we are lucky to have known loved ones from previous generations, our homes also reflect those lives. I know this is true in my own home. 

My Decor Style is like a family reunion: a mix of generations with a whole lot of stories to tell.

However, all these sentimental things can feel and look like clutter. I’ll leave the organization and decluttering tips to the experts. However, the following four tips helped me clarify my decluttering project.

Decluttering is not erasing; it’s making space for what truly matters.

Tip 1: Curate Heirlooms to Tell Stories Around The Home

Instagram post from @HeirloomExplorer

I love the little reminders of family and friends across generations around me. By curating heirlooms around my home, these stories I can keep their stories alive.

This also challenges me to think more deeply about my heirloom nostalgia and why I’m holding on to the heirlooms. If they are not “show-worthy” for my home, I ask myself:

  1. Do I still need to hold on to them?
  2. Do they even have stories that need to be preserved?
  3. Can I preserve the stories in another way and get rid of the object?

Tip 2: Take A Picture

When it comes down to “releasing the stuff”, what most people are actually afraid of is losing the memories and stories that are attached to the items. After all, those are our stories, right? Those sentimental and nostalgic items have become an extension of us.

It can hurt when we say goodbye to them. It can also hurt when others reject them because it feels like a little piece of us is being rejected.

Separating the story from the item is vital. It’s liberating. It allows us to release ourselves from the “stuff” and enjoy the connection. And it’s easy to do.  

Tip 3: Share Your Story of The Heirloom Nostalgia

Once you’ve taken a picture of the item, be sure to capture what it is and why you love it. There are a number of paid tools out there to help you do this, but a simple DIY hack is just to use the notes feature on your phone. You can easily capture or upload the picture and add a few notes about the item. Then, you can save them all in a notes folder and share that folder with loved ones.

You have no idea what of your things others in your family will want. And, as the saying goes, you can’t take it with you. But you can share what’s important to you and why. In doing so, you help the next person decide what is important for them to hold on to or not. 

Tip 4: Normalize Second-Hand Gifts

brown gift box
Photo by Porapak Apichodilok on Pexels.com

How lovely would it be to open up a treasured item from a loved one rather than one more disposable item you don’t need?

As I go through boxes of clutter in my own home, I try to be sensitive to the items that connect with others in my family. While I may not have a connection to something I’ve inherited, my children, nieces, or nephews might.

Perhaps it’s a memory they have of the item. Or perhaps it’s an interest they may or may not have known they shared with an ancestor. Either way, sharing these items, this heirloom nostalgia, with the right person could be a wonderful and meaningful gift.

Key Points to Remember:

  • Creating a curated collection of heirloom nostalgia.
  • Taking photos to preserve the visual memory.
  • Sharing the Heirloom Stories with Family
  • Passing down cherished items to family members who share a deep connection with them.

Conclusion:

As we enter a new year, let’s embrace a mindset that liberates us from the emotional burden of family heirlooms and heirloom nostalgia. Share your stories, appreciate the essence of the material, and recognize that letting go can be a powerful act of love.

If you’re looking for other things to do with your heirlooms, check out some of my other posts, including Create A Nostalgic Christmas Tree Your Family Will Love With Old Family Photos or Bring Out Your Patriotic Heirlooms This Fourth of July.

Finally, use caution when using your old heirlooms, especially for food and beverages, as I discuss in Lead in Crystal & China: Hidden Danger in Your Family Heirlooms.

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